One Tragedy Away...

July 16th, 2017 was the 3rd annual “Christmas in July” for the Akron Snow Angels at Grace Park.   With this being a different event than the normal missions for the Snow Angels, I was afforded the luxury of being able to wander a bit.   I took some time to sit back and observe things as they were happening.   I watched to see how people were interacting.   I watched to see how things moved, evolved, and grew.   One of my favorite moments was right near the beginning of the day when I noticed a gentleman waiting in line singing and dancing without a care in the world.   Seeing that big of a smile on the face of someone that may not have too many reasons to smile, makes you realize why days like this need to happen.

Towards the end of the day, I noticed that there was a man sitting in the middle of the festivities, alone.   I hadn’t seen him talk to anyone.  He wasn’t focused on the people or the happenings in the park that day.   He was in his own little “bubble” of sorts.   He looked relaxed, but that went away very quickly as I approached him.  

“Hi, I’m Josh.   I look to learn about and from people.   Mind if I have a seat?”   He gave me the same look that most people give to a door to door salesman.  

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“Cuyahoga County”, he replied with little to no emotion.

At this point, I knew there was something to this gentleman.   In the way that he said it, I could tell that he was not hiding anything.   He was not trying to deny life choices he has made.   He was not trying to hide a checkered past.   I didn’t see fear in his eyes, but I did see a skeptic.   He wanted to keep his information to himself to protect himself.   As someone that often fights a bit of a paranoid streak myself, I can understand why he would react this way to a complete stranger asking him personal questions.      

We started to talk more about random things.   We discussed some of the awkward subjects.  Politics, religion, life in general.   We figured out that we were even born at the same hospital!   In this, we found not necessarily completely common ground, but he became more comfortable with me.   I think it’s at this point that he could tell that I was being totally honest.   I had no agenda other than to learn about him, and hopefully from him.  There was never moment where things clicked.   There was however, a progression to a small level of comfort which I promptly stepped past.   

“Where do you stay now?” I asked.   Seeing his reluctance to answer such a direct question I pointed and said “North? South? East? West?”

“I’m west of here.”   With some prodding, he elaborated on how he likes where he is at.   It’s private.   It’s nice.   He can think there.   “It’s just me and one other guy in this spot.   I’m able to be alone there and not have to worry about others.” he said.    

I pushed a little farther and asked how he ended up in Akron since he’s originally from Cuyahoga County.   He gave me the overall story of how he ended up here but in telling this, he went from a stoic man, to a man with a broken heart in the matter of seconds.   His body language changed.   He looked down instead of at me.   His shoulders slumped.   His demeanor changed.  There was no water works.  There was no drama.   There was just a very sad story to tell.      

Here is where we sat on the ground and talked.   I'll remember this spot

The details didn’t matter to me once I heard the basic storyline.   He moved here to live with his girlfriend.   They had a good life.  She was accomplished in her profession and had a job that many dream of.   He was hunting for work at the time when she unexpectedly passed away.  It was in that very moment, he lost everything.

Imagine losing your significant other, and your financial security all in an instant.   Everything happening in a wicked swing from happiness to misery.   It makes me ask of myself and those around me “how would you handle it?”

“I like my time alone.   It helps me to get away from the past and try to move forward” he said on more than one occasion.    It wasn’t until then end of our chat when I finally asked his name.   Being as guarded as he was, I’m keeping it to myself.   He enjoys his privacy and I’d like to let him continue to do that.   I left feeling that I uncovered a hidden gem of a person.   He just needs some time to dust himself off and get his shine back...   

What did I learn from my interaction with this gentleman?

1. You are stronger than you think.   Everything else can change in an instant.   There’s not always time to plan.   Sometimes, you have to react and trust in your own strength that you can power through the storm.   He adapted and found out that he is stronger than he thought.   He may have emotional injuries to deal with, but he has survived.   He is healing.   He will be better than before.   As a human, know that you have that ability within you also.          
2. This gentleman totally reinforced my idea of who a homeless person is.   Picture a homeless person in your head.   Imagine how they act.   Imagine how they speak.   Imagine their motions.   Imagine the language they used.   I am very secure in saying that the imaginary character in your head is very wrong.   He is no different than anyone reading this.   He has just experienced a different chain of events that I would not wish upon anyone.   We are merely one tragedy from being in his situation.   There is no stereotype for the homeless and homeless is not a stereotype.   It’s a condition.   A fixable one.  

When it was time to go, I shook his hand and thanked him.   I knew that we touched on some subjects that weren’t always easy for him to talk about.   I learned something huge and I also had a lesson reinforced.   No one will ever be able to repay the cost that he has paid.   It is my hope that learning from his words that we can start to help him and others like him lead a more comfortable, human life.      

Your future and a tent

My weekend of Akron Snow Angels activities started early this time.   A number of weeks ago, a friend of mine mentioned what her amazing daughter has started as a tradition for her birthday.    She picks a charity, and asks everyone to bring donations for that charity.   For her 12th birthday party, she picked the Akron Snow Angels.   When I first heard this, I was excited.   As time passed, I honestly forgot the date so when I received a message last night with a picture of tables that were piled full of toothpaste, socks, soap, and coats, I was speechless.   I’m not sure that it’s still fully registered with me.   Most kids are upset when they don’t get the latest and greatest video game that they asked for...and this one wants nothing more than to know that she’s helping others.   

A fixture with the Akron Snow Angels is Ty.   Ty is just one of those kids with a smile and personality that makes him tough not to like.   Ty can often be found doing things like any other 12 year old on a Sunday morning.   He’ll be out tossing a football or joking around with his friends.   The difference is that a lot of those friends are homeless.   Ty has been involved with the Akron Snow Angels for a while now and I’m not sure that I can put into words how well he interacts with everyone at the missions.   There’s no awkwardness that you’d normally see from someone of his age.   There’s just this burning desire to help people.   His most amazing talent with the people is getting them to smile.   He just gets people to light up.   It’s a joy to watch.      

These two amazing kids are the products of proud parents that have taken an active role in deciding the future.   Not just the future of their kids, but the future for all of us.   Their active role with their kids has created compassion and hope for the future.   The generous attitude and mindset of compassion that has been instilled in these kids has taught me something.   

Lesson one: The future is what you make it.   No one else.   You.

If you’ve followed the blog, you may remember a man I wrote about last time that had just gotten a job and was in need of a set of Carhartt overalls.   The following Tuesday, someone had written into the Akron Snow Angels and asked if they could purchase the needed coveralls.    Since being involved with the Akron Snow Angels, I have seen a lot of great things happen.   This honestly ranks near the top for me.   

When we arrived at the mission, I was grateful to be able to snag a few minutes where I could actually talk to the recipient of the warmest coveralls you’ll find.   His energy was contagious.   “It's going great.   They’ve been able to give me some extra hours, so I’ll take that every chance I can get.   I get paid next Friday!   We’d love to be able to find a place as I really want to get us into a place and out of the tent.   If you know of anyplace, let me know.”   Hearing all of this and his hopeful outlook is a wonderful ray of light in a often dim place.

 

As I talked with him, I mentioned the blog and how the relationship that he and his wife shows through and has made quite the impression on me.   He instantly thanked me for getting the coveralls to him and wanted me to pass on his gratitude for the good Samaritan that purchased them for him.   He then said something so simple, but extremely profound.   “When you have nothing else, each other is all that matters.”    

Those words stuck with me the rest of the day.   I realized that what he said has a lot of truth.   In the same sense, I think that he could have made it simpler.

Lesson 2: Each other is all that matters.    

There were so many other interactions today that I had that all seemed to point me in this same direction.   Please, take a few minutes to look around to see what really matters.   When it gets cold later this week, ask yourself this…   Who do you want in your tent?

Socks, Laughter, and Chance

Two missions with the Akron Snow Angels this year, and both had snow.   Coincidence?    I highly doubt it.   It’s a tough mix of emotions to deal with when you’re thinking, “I’m cold and hope that we get done soon so I can get inside where it’s warm” when you’re out helping people that have no inside to go to.   It is a dichotomy that I always seem to wrestle with.

After loading up, we headed to the North Hill High School parking lot for our first stop.   Many of the people that we worked with that this place may not have been homeless specifically, but when you see a child walking around without a jacket or even socks in the snow, you know that you’re helping people that desperately need it.    

It is my understanding that North Hill is now an area that is setup for refugees from other countries.   I don’t know their stories, but I am curious to learn more about them, what their country was like, and how they got here.   Often times, when we would try to speak with the people, there was difficulty in communicating.   The kids often spoke some English but the parents largely did not.   It’s emotionally difficult to have someone right in front of you that needs help, but language barriers make it difficult to find out what specific help they need.

I did find that two things that work in any language.   Socks and coffee.   On a cold day, if you hold a hot cup of coffee in your hand and extend it towards someone that’s shivering, the universal smile communicates that what you’ve done just made someone’s day that much better.   The same thing can be said for a pair of socks.   When you see a child in the snow with shoes but no socks, all it takes is an outstretched hand with a pair of clean, dry socks to change the outlook for everyone involved.   It’s these vehicles that we use as a group to open the lines of communication to help all of us learn more.

This is yet another culture, another dimension, another group of diversity within our local area that has an outlook on life that I have not dealt with much.    I am anxious to learn more.  I’m excited to make more friends.  

Lesson one……   Caring knows no language.   

As we loaded up and left North Hill, we went to our second stop of Grace Park to see those friends that we’ve had for a while now.   I love being the request guy as I really affords me the opportunity to get to know some of the people and talk with them.   My interactions are usually short, but I always make the effort to make them personal, personable, and fun.    Today, I met a man named David.   David is probably about 6’7”.   He was in a light jacket and tennis shoes.   Cold, but smiling.   He politely asked if he could request a heavy winter coat and some winter boots.   I looked at him and asked, “You a medium?   About an 8 boot?”   After we got done laughing about it, David let me know that he needs a 4XL winter jacket and a size 14 boot. He’s tremendously tall, and has the heart and laughter to match his stature.   

Lesson two…...laughter warms up everyone.

Later on in the mission, a gentleman named Derrick came up to me to request some boots and a coat.   My pen and my hands started to malfunction a bit from the cold and I ended up writing his first name in some unrecognizable hieroglyphs.  I scratched his first name out and put it on the line below.   He saw this and very politely asked me if I could put his last name on the same line so there was no confusion.   The first thing that went through my head was “why does it matter?   I’ll be the one going through the sheet later.   It’ll be fine.   No problem.”    Then it struck me.   It appealed to some of my own obsessive compulsive/leave nothing to chance tendencies.   If I was depending on these items for my survival, wouldn’t I want to make doubly sure that there was no confusion?   You can be sure that I would be triple checking with the person.   I would do everything in my power to make sure that things go well.   

Lesson Three.    Do not leave your success up to chance.   Take control of things.  Make sure that you have done everything you can to enable your success.   You control your own destiny.   Take control of it before someone else does.

Questions and answers

Whenever I go out with the Akron Snow Angels, there are a ton of positive things that come out of every mission.  You can’t help but feel good when you hand someone a few needed items.   You get varied reactions, but a high level of gratitude.   I’ve discovered that the gratitude isn’t necessarily because you gave them something tangible.   In many cases, it’s because you’ve given them one less thing to worry about.   In other cases, you’ve given someone the slightest bit of comfort in a very uncomfortable world.   It’s a powerful and wonderful feeling.   I suggest that you try it.   

A cart full of caring

Unfortunately, Saturday’s lesson came via a few pieces of news from within the community that were a bit disturbing.   As I write this, I’m not sure what percentage of angry, upset, and sad I’m feeling, but all of those emotions are currently stirring around at a rapid pace   

As we left for the day's mission, it was mentioned that there had been a fire and a few tents were lost to it.   This is tough to hear, but at that point, there is a certain amount of anonymity that allows a person to feel distant enough to stomach the news fairly easily.   As the day went on, there became two more bits of information that were discovered later that are much more difficult to digest.   

The first piece of news that we heard was that there is speculation that the tents being burned was an act of arson.   Other than someone intentionally setting the fire, there wasn’t another known source of ignition nearby.   Hearing that it was intentionally set, this is where my brain starts acting like a curious 4 year old’s and asking the “why” question over and over again.   Why would someone do this?   Why?   Just why?   Why could this have possibly seemed like a good idea to someone?   Personally, it’s the questions that I can’t find the answer to that I find are the most difficult to deal with.   “Why” happens to be one of them in this case.

News always carries more weight when it hits close.   Later in the day, we found out that the two people that lost their tents in the fire are well liked in the Akron Snow Angels group.   Friendly, chatty, and even a bit witty.   Each has a distinct personality of their own.   They are tough, but approachable.   Unique, but unassuming.   If you start a conversation with them, you’re going to end up with a good laugh.  If you get something for them, they both show their extreme gratitude in their own, unique way.   One with a handshake that could crush a rock and the most sincere thank you that you’ll find anywhere.   The other says “thanks” with a shy smile and a slight turn of his head.   You can tell he’s truly grateful, but he isn’t always quite sure how to handle it.   How is it that these two guys lost everything?   

It’s always tough to figure out what really happened.   I’m not a professional detective and much of what I have heard about the events leading up to this is speculation.   “Why” isn’t the right question for me to be asking.   It is tough to steer away from that as wanting to answer the big “why” question is a huge part of what makes us human.   It’s how we figure things out.   It is what we use to discover things.   It was later on when I realized that the more productive question that I need to be asking starts with “how”.    How can I help?

You can only get the best answer if you’re asking the right questions.  

Connecting through trust

Another mission with the Akron Snow Angels today and I have come away from it with a slightly different perspective on things.   All of the missions set out with the same ideals, but they all seem to have a different feel to them.   There’s an evolution that’s happening here on a lot of different levels.   It’s a good feeling.  

When you wake up to a day that is 48 degrees and raining, it’s not exactly exciting for most of us.   For those that live without a roof of their own, it is pleasant change from -5 degrees and snowing.   With this, you can see that the focus has started to change.   People are asking about waterproof boots, raincoats, and umbrellas.   Staying dry is now the priority, but that can be a tall order during this time of year in Akron, Ohio.   Why is this exciting?    It’s warmer.  The “will I freeze tonight” is becoming less and less of a question.   That is one less thing for someone to worry about.  

As I was talking with people today at our first stop, I felt a bit torn. It’s a similar feeling that I had with Rudy on the good/bad side of things.   It’s nice to see that people are safe.  It’s nice to chat with the same people and get to know them.   It’s hard to realize that they are still in the same difficult situation.   It’s tough knowing that it’s a daily struggle just to survive for some of these people that I feel connected to.   I leave happy and less concerned than I have been in weeks past, but a bit sad at the same time.

The second stop usually consists of slightly shorter interactions, but quantity increases at least 10-fold.   Even with the rapid fire interactions and the wide cross section of people, I feel that I really am still able to learn about and connect with some of them.   There is a bond, a friendship, and trust that comes when you open yourself up to talk with people.   In a situation where there is constant fear for health, belongings, and mere survival, it’s an amazing thing to see someone relax for a few minutes.   They feel good for a few minutes.   It’s wonderful to be able to deliver that also.

One of the interactions that was memorable today was with a gentleman that we had ordered boots for.   He is a tall, slender man that I remembered from our last mission as soon as I saw him.   He is very nice, but is quiet.   He has a unique breathing pattern that hinders his ability to speak sometimes.   He needed our patience to get the right information to us so we could find his boots.   We didn’t rush him as there was no need.   We let him do his thing.   I could tell that he really appreciated our willingness to work with him and wait for him.   With some patience, I found his boots buried in bags of requested items and handed them to him.   He must have thanked me 15 times and when he left, held out his hand for a fist bump.   To him, it seemed like a lot to reach out to do that.   To me, it was a connection.     

My lesson today was a reinforcement of a previous one.   Trust...Don’t expect it, work with people and make it a point to earn it.   Trust is the key in all relationships and is well worth it.   I feel that I have earned the trust of some people today.   Although these relationships may not be the ones that get me a corner office overlooking the city, they have a value that I can feel and that I treasure.   

If you haven’t had a fist bump from a homeless person make your day…maybe you should.

The only way to learn

I think that Rudolph is getting an addition nickname besides just Rudy.   “The Mugger” seems fitting as we probably mugged people for 15-20 treats tonight.  This guy has done the math.  Sit = Treat.   So, we find someone else walking a dog in the park.   We get right in their face.   We look menacing….then sit and get all puppy faced.   This usually equates to the person saying something along the lines of “You’re such a good boy” and then a reach into the pocket produces a treat for Rudy.   As his accomplice, I just smile and agree with the person and then we head on down the path to find our next victim.   He has it down to a science.   One smooth operator…...and me.   I love it.

We started off walking with Zoey again.   We met some other dogs along the way.   Talked with other people.   After a while (and a few flat out sprints), I noticed that Rudy was going on his own a bit.   So, I went with it.   We walked together.   We stopped for a photo opportunity and kisses (I did not return them) in a picnic shelter.   We hung out.   We chatted (no surprise that I did most of the talking).   We didn’t just do mindless laps around a park.   We did stuff together.   When we got back at the end of the walk, we sat on the curb for a bit and just hung out.   It was awesome.   Just a couple of guys sittin’ around.      

I really wish that parts of my current situation were a bit different.   This is one great dog.   I often wonder how he and Irving would get along together and If I could run with them both.   The more time I spend, the more I like him.   The more I like him, the more difficult it becomes to leave at the end of the evening.   Part of this is because of the fact that Rudolph always has a way of pushing me to learn more.   I’ve walked with him 8 or 9 times and at this point, you’d think that as a younger dog, he’d be out of lessons for me.   He’s not.   He never fails to teach me something.

 

When I showed up, I had an agenda of walking around the park in mind with a cool dog and by thinking that, I forgot about how much this hour means to him every week.   It’s his time to get out and do things.   Think about the things that you want to do every week.   Imagine having to fit all of that into one hour.   Could you?    What if you only got one hour per week to get out and “play”.   It took a while for me to figure this out.   He wanted to do things and I needed to facilitate that.   I straightened up.   We made sure that we sniffed trees.   We ran.    We walked in totally random directions.   We had a great time.   

Listen.   That’s the only way to figure out what you need to do.